when the fella over there doesn’t have hella good hair
i’m in my room with the window open listening to my white dad neighbor and his white dad friend talk about grills and patios
I’m going to close my eyes and pretend i’m on an episode of home improvement and tim allen is my dad
they’re listening to elvis and one dad yelled “hey Steve how do you like your steak?” and Steve yelled “medium rare like it should be!” and all the dads laughed heartily
this is a code and I will break it.
when i was little i thought food poisoning meant that someone had literally poisoned your food and one time my sister got food poisoning from mccdonalds so i told everyone at school that the drive thru guy tried to kill my sister
Kindergarten: Stupid. Oh gosh don’t tell anyone I said that.
Elementary school: What the heck.
Middle School: Damn it this is freaking dumb as hell
High school: what the fuck did you just say you little fucking shitbitchcuntfuck I will beat the dicks out of your ass
College: what the frick frack snick snack are u doing